I'm a mom, wife, student, friend. Basically in that order. Most days. Some days I'm a student, student, student, student. Do I feel bad? Sometimes, but not all the time.
I am in nursing school. I know it is supposed to be difficult, I mean do you really want someone to take care of you that has no idea what they are doing?
I didn't think so.
I've been working on my RN for the past 1 1/2 years now. I will finish in May.
Going back to school when you are 33 years old is not for the weak. Hell, I'd say it's even harder to go back when you have a family. And I'm super lucky since I have the support of my hubby.
So why do I feel so guilty?
Well you see, I'm an overachiever. I think I can do it all. I think that in order to be successful I have to be great at all things. I have to be an awesome mom, superb wife, "A" student, and cool friend.
I've feel as though I only have the "A" student thing down.
I feel bad for studying all the time. All day and night. I go to school before the family is up, and when they get home I'm upstairs in the office studying.
I often get these questions from my 13 year old:
"Mom, how much longer are you gonna study?"
I have a test tomorrow that is 50 questions, and they are NCLEX style, where all the answers are correct, but I have to pick the best...I'm gonna be here a bit longer.
"Are you gonna cook, or are we on our own tonight?"
No, I have to make sure the patient I take care of tomorrow gets the best care ever. He has a rare congenital heart defect and he had surgery to repair it today, oh AND his parents abandoned him in the hospital.
"Did you remember to pick up the granola bars I've been out of for 2 weeks?"
No, I was trying to make sure you had clean underwear and socks to wear to school, I thought you'd like to not go naked, or in dirty clothes.
The other day when he asked me to take him to school on a rare day I'm out of school AND clinical:
"Can you take me to school, it's not like you have anything else to do today"
Yeah, I have absolutely nothing going on, I need to pick up those granola bars you asked me about 2 weeks ago, and guess what? You've dirtied more underwear and socks. Oh AND I have another test this week, the same day I have a quiz I've not even begun to study for.
Do I feel guilty?
I love my kid and husband more than words can express in this blog. They are the reason I try so hard to do it all. I want them to be proud of me. I will do anything to make them happy.
Deep down I believe I was put on this earth to be a nurse.
I cannot imagine being anything else, no other job in my mind can be more rewarding.
So yes, I'll keep studying, I'll keep doing it all, because this is my calling.
And if you see me at the hospital and I have dark circles under my eyes, my hair is a mess, and maybe my clothes are wrinkled...
Don't judge me, I've probably been up too long, I forgot to get the clothes out of the dryer as soon as they were done, and got up wayyyyyyy too early to take care of you.
But I promise it'll be the best care you've ever received.